Making an adoption wish come true

I remember the day I was told that IVF was my only option. My tubes were blocked, I didn’t ovulate on my own and my body didn’t produce the necessary hormones to carry a pregnancy.

I was devastated.

I had heard of IVF, but I was naive as to what all it entailed. I remember sitting in the car crying because I wasn’t sure how much it was going to cost and how we would pay for it. My husband is a police officer and I’m in advertising. Decent jobs sure, but we’re not rolling in the money by any means.

I picked up the phone and called my Dad.

Everything I own- car, college education, credit cards, phone bills, wedding- it’s mine, all mine. We grew up with two parents who had plenty of money, but they were all about instilling values in their children. We never asked for money (unless it was for popcorn and a movie). Nothing was ever owed to us. We worked for everything we wanted. All four of us had jobs at 15. It’s just the way we were raised.

I was at my lowest of lows and I felt this was an exception.

“Dad. We have to do IVF. I heard it could run about $30,000. I don’t know how much insurance will cover, but should it not make a dent- you need pay for this.”

My Dad was a little thrown off. I pretty much demanded that he pony up $30,000. I wasn’t disrespectful, but desperate.

“I want a baby and money isn’t going to stop me. If I need the money you have to give it to me.”

My Dad told me not to panic and that we would work something out should it get to that. In the back of my mind I was thinking, “Yeah, we’ll work something out. You’re going to pay for it.”

Thankfully…and trust me when I say this…I thank God for the amount that our insurance covered.  Sure we’ve had our fair share of out of pocket expenses, but nothing in the amount of $30,000. We are very fortunate.

A couple years ago I sat in the waiting room waiting for Dr. Binor. I was flipping through a magazine while listening to another patient’s conversation with the office manager. They were going over the cost of her IVF procedure. I remember hearing her cry asking the office manager how she was going to pay for this. The manager was sympathetic while telling her she was sorry.

I sat there feeling so angry. How do you put a price tag on a baby? I mean, I know it’s the medical field. I know there are risks involved, but seriously, most insurance plans don’t offer sufficient coverage for infertility. Why make it so out of reach for hard working people who just want to become parents? It’s hard enough that they need fertility assistance in the first place.

I sat in the office feeling sorry for this girl. I told myself that one day, when I have the money, I will start a grant and it will go towards an IVF patient that would make a fantastic Mom/Dad.

Unfortunately I’m not there yet. I’m still trying to figure out my own fertility mess, but what I can do is help raise awareness and money for people who are just like me.

Today, I’m asking for your help.

My sister-in-law has been in my life for 20 years now. Her family is our family. It’s been no secret that her sister has been struggling to become a Mom. It’s been a 7 year battle. Can you imagine?

Michelle had tried multiple IVF attempts. She achieved a pregnancy and was beyond overjoyed. Soon into her pregnancy she found out the baby was extremely unhealthy which lead to an unviable pregnancy. This left Michelle completely heartbroken.

Making matters worse, Michelle found out the pregnancy damaged her uterus and that she would never be able to carry a child. Her only option was adoption.

Michelle signed on with an adoption agency soon after. After completing her profile and paying her dues, the agency went bankrupt and Michelle lost her investment.

Michelle is a single, hardworking, independent woman. Losing that investment was devastating.

Most people would have given up, but she kept on with hopes of one day becoming a Mom. Michelle decided to sign on with a new agency and after a number of months she received the call that she had been long waiting for. She was chosen to be a Mother to a baby that is due next month!

This baby is a true gift from God. She is counting down the days until she is finally holding her child, rocking her to sleep in the nursery that’s been waiting for her.

Unfortunately adoptions are very expensive. Michelle has already taken out a maximum high interest personal loan as well at posted her car as collateral.

She needs your help. We have $13,000 we need to raise in order to finalize this adoption. Whatever amount you are able to afford is greatly appreciated. Every single dollar counts.

When I found out Michelle needed assistance raising the money, I jumped at the opportunity. I look at my Olivia and I can’t imagine putting a price tag on her. I also can’t imagine coming up short and losing the opportunity of parenting a child.

If you’re a parent I want you to stop for a moment and thank God for the miracle you have received. I want you to be grateful for the struggle you never had to face in bringing your child into the world.

. 

Unfortunately not everyone is as fortunate.

Please help us bring this baby home.

https://www.gofundme.com/myadoptionjourney

Just like that she's a big girl

10,000.

I stopped counting at 10,000, but there's thousands more.

We've been spring cleaning, organizing and transitioning. It's been therapeutic, difficult, lovely and a struggle all at the same time.

I've been printing and organizing pictures of Olivia. She's 3 years old and between my camera and my cell phone I have easily taken over 10,000 pictures of this sweet child. You may think I overdo it- maybe- but as I should I overdo it is what I say!

I've set up photo shoots and have taken pictures of every single "first" this child has had. Every moment and celebration has been captured and I have zero regrets in saying that I have a slight obsession over my child. We've stuck her in pumpkins, jersey's, fields of flowers, chicken costumes full of feathers. I have her first bath, first cereal, first time in her crib, first picture with almost every member of our family, first step, first smile, first shoe, first time on the swings...I have the "first" of everything and every moment that came after that. Between my cell phone and my camera I have a picture of every single day of her life...so far.

The more pictures I print, the more emotional I get. I struggle with the fact that she is getting older. People always tell me that I have to come to terms with the fact that I can't keep her little. The inevitable will happen, I realize this. But this sweet girl will always be my baby and I will continue to grasp at every single memory we create for this child. Her 4th birthday is a few months away (gulp). I'm holding on to her toddler years for dear life, but before I know it the baby chubby cheeks and fingers will thin out and she will bloom into a little girl right before my eyes.

This past weekend was a heartbreaker. I'm almost embarrassed to say it, but we just now transitioned Olivia from her toddler bed into her "big girl" bed. I was in no rush to do so until I put her down for her nap the other day and had to do a double take. "Oh shit!" I thought..."she's outgrown her bed!"

When we registered for her bedroom furniture we registered for the bed rails in order to transition her crib into a full size bed. I had been stalling on making the move because to be honest, I was waiting for baby #2. I would put baby #2 into the crib and buy Olivia a new set that I had my eyes on at Pottery Barn. When family would tell me to transition the bed I would say, "Oh no, I can't. I want another baby and that will be that baby's crib...so I need a new set for Olivia." Often times I would get a pitiful look like, "Oh this pathetic poor soul is losing her mind." But I'm not losing my mind. This has been my plan. Haven't you ever made a plan for yourself and your family? It's what I do, make plans. In fact, I've had plans for my family of 4 for a long time now. I know what room Baby #2 will take over, I've planned out his/her name- I have had all of my ducks in a row for this child that doesn't exist...and may never exist.

It had really hit me a couple weeks ago that my dream of being a family of four may never come true. I was crying in the kitchen and told Don that I don't see it happening anymore. The hope is fading away and the clear picture that I once had is drifting further and further away. It's a very difficult realization to come to. Especially when you're not the one making the decision. I have my body and fate to blame for this one...and should this be the case, I will never be able to find forgiveness. Don't get me wrong- we're not throwing in the towel. Don even said that we will fight like hell, but should it not happen this year...we will need to make some decisions.

Instead of the beautiful Pottery Barn bed I wanted, we decided to convert the crib into a big girl bed. The crib just isn't needed at this time.

I took Olivia to shop for a mattress and comforter. She was beyond excited for this moment. While we browsed the bedding aisle she pointed to a comforter and said, "Wow, Mom! This looks so comfortable for me." I instantly welled up. I remember picking out her nursery bedding. I looked at every option out there. I found retailers in Europe and browsed their selections as well. I wanted the best and because I was on bed rest I had all the time in the world to look at every single option out there. Now here I am with my soon to be 4 year old and she's assisting in picking out her "big girl bedding". I don't quite know where the time went.

We went to a couple mattress stores- she bounced around and told me what she liked. Nothing I saw was good enough for her though. Everything was either too hard, too soft or too cheap. So we left empty handed and I dropped her off for a nap so I could head back out and wrap up my search.

I called my aunt on the way to the store. Where do I go? What do I look for? How much do I spend? She mentioned that every mattress store was the same and she gave me firm instructions to make one stop and pick out a mattress that was reasonable- "Don't break the bank. This isn't her forever mattress."

Even though I told her I would make one stop- I made two more. I needed a good comparison. I sat on every mattress. Even the mattresses that cost a few thousand dollars. The mattresses I was serious about I laid on. Tossed and turned. What was a I looking for you ask? Perfection.

The sales manager showed me the mattress that "all parents get for their children". I thought it looked sad. It was a step away from a futon mattress and I wasn't having it for my Olivia. Nope- not good enough. We walked around the store and he taught me all about mattresses. He even showed me the supply in the back room just so I knew that I wasn't missing out on seeing something great. I narrowed the selection down to three finalists which were all well over my budget. I sat there waiting while he crunched some numbers. So far two hours had gone by and while I waited for his next best offer I texted my aunt-

"I feel like I'm buying a car right now."

"Wait, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"For fuck sake pick out a damn mattress!"

Ok, ok...she was right. I took this search over board. I had done several rounds of negotiations (which I love doing). I had even threatened to walk out which in the back of my mind wouldn't have been the worse thing. It just would have meant another few more nights in her crib. I wouldn't have minded.
I was looking for perfection, comfort and something that screamed "Big Girl"...and I found it. I found my girl her big girl mattress just like I found her infant mattress. This my friends, is another milestone. You may not think it's a big deal, but every new milestone in our household is a BIG DEAL.

I came home and told Olivia her mattress would be coming the next day. When we tucked her in later that night Don said, "This is the last time we tuck you into your baby bed!" Before kissing her goodnight I made a bee line for the door with tears in my eyes. This was the last time she would be in her baby bed. Perhaps the last time we would ever be using a baby bed- period. Shit. I'M NOT READY FOR THIS TRANSITION!

Ready or not- it happened. We followed through with our promise and before we knew it we were tucking our baby into her new bed. Gulp. Just like that she became a big girl.

And you bet your ass I got the "first night in her big girl bed" picture. Add it to the collection of 10,000+.

  

I just love her. 

Sometimes it's just hard.

"You are so lucky. You are so lucky."

He repeated himself five or six times while I sat there with tears flowing.

I know. I know I am so lucky. I believe everyone should be blessed enough to have an Olivia. I'm so lucky to have this child and I'm so lucky to be called a Mom. I'm lucky, I know. I get it.

The other day I had a mini meltdown. That happens from time to time, but this meltdown had been building. Taking a break from IVF has been getting to me. I'm still having these episodes, I still don't have answers from any doctor and I still can't do IVF until I get this resolved. In the meantime the clock that everyone talks about once you turn 30 continues to tick in the back of my mind. I hear it every second of every day and it's starting to take it's toll.

I got wind that my younger sister might start trying for a baby in the near future. Deep down I know the time is getting closer and deep down I can't blame her one bit- but it doesn't take away the blow I would feel should she get pregnant before I do. I've been thinking and thinking about what my reaction would be should that day come. I do a very good job of faking a "CONGRATULATIONS I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!" reaction, but I can do that when it comes to friends and coworkers getting pregnant. I wouldn't be able to fake it with my own sister...especially this sister. She could read me like a book and I think she would be hurt if I faked my reaction.

Since hearing this news a couple weeks ago I've really been training myself to get it together and prepare for the day, but who am I fooling- it kills me, I know, I know! I have a child. I'm selfish. This is my own sister we are talking about. I get it. I know. I've yelled at myself and have slapped my own hand, but I'll be the first to admit...I'm selfish...and I'm immature...and I have jealous issues. There. I said it.

Holding these feelings in the past couple of weeks have been hard. Who could I talk to without them yelling at me for feeling this way? Who would put me in my place in the most gentle of ways?

My brother came over the other night and when we sat on the couch I quietly said, "hey...did you hear she might start trying soon?" His eyes kind of grew big and I could tell he already knew. I could also tell that he knew where this conversation was going. Having a heart to heart with my brother could go one of two ways. He'll either tell you to knock it off and quit crying- or he'll sit there and won't move until he gets you to stop crying. It was my lucky day because I was in no mood to get scolded.

I told myself I wouldn't cry, but as soon as he confirmed the information I cried. I told him I'm not mature and that I get jealous when I see others get pregnant. I told him that it's killing me that I have yet to have #2- not just for myself, but for Olivia. He let me cry and he said he was sorry- but he also told me to get it together. He told me that though I hurt- he knows I'll be happy for my sister when the day comes that she gets pregnant. He also told me that she's been hesitant to try because of my situation and that kills me.

Not getting pregnant isn't just about me. It's about my child having a sibling. Of course I want a baby for my own selfish reasons, but having a little partner for my Olivia would complete me.

I grew up with two sisters and a brother. We were and still are best friends. We leaned on one another to get through some tough times during our childhood and even now as adults- when we hurt or struggle, we have one another to lean on. My best friends are my siblings. Period.

My older sister just went through a hard time last fall. I went over to her house to help out with some yard work and to lift her spirits. I felt like crap that day, but knew she felt worse and that she needed me. She stood in her yard crying and thanked me for helping her. It killed me to see her in so much pain, and in the back of my mind all I could think of was thank God we have each other- and that I wanted Olivia to have the same. Don and I won't always be around. As much as I would love to think that Neverland exists, it doesn't. There's going to come a time when Olivia will need someone to lean on other than her parents. I want that for my child.

I explained this all to Pete who in turn couldn't argue my feelings, but did his best to calm my heart.

"She's healthy. She's happy. She has the best parents. You might not be able to give her a sibling, but you're giving her a great life damn it. She's a miracle. Look at her. She is a miracle!"

I might not be able to give her a sibling. I might not be able to give her a sibling. I might not be able to give her a sibling. 

A second child may not be in the cards for me. A sibling may not be in the cards for Olivia.

Just as I type this statement out I cry. How? Why? What did I do? I'm a great Mom. Don is a great Dad. We work hard. We've proven ourselves. I'll never understand. I want it so bad!!

I know now more than ever that we may not have another child. It's something that I have to come to terms with, but I'm still not totally convinced. I still pray every night and will continue to do so.

Before Peter left my house that night he told me to genuinely support our sister. "Tell her you're there for her. You're practically a Gynecologist now- give her a little help."

My sister could very well get pregnant before I do. I know this and I've accepted this and I'm ok with this. She's there for me always and I will be for her. She has had my back and is one of my biggest fans. It's only right to treat her with the same respect and love. I would never want someone to put their life on hold because my life isn't working out according to plan. Taylor- go have your babies. You deserve an Olivia too.

You know- when I was in labor I was scared out of my mind. My pregnancy was so unpredictable that I had no idea how the delivery would go. A couple hours before I delivered I looked at Don and told him that we should ask someone to come into our room and take pictures of the birth so we don't miss out on the keepsake. Even though we originally agreed that it would just be him and I in the delivery room I convinced him that we needed the pictures. There was a person I had in mind and it wasn't just because I trusted her with my camera. It was because I needed her to keep me calm. I called Taylor at about 5am and she arrived 20 minutes later. It was like she was waiting for my call.

Olivia is 3 1/2 years old and there is one picture that is my absolute favorite. I get so many compliments, but it's because of Taylor that this picture exists.




Maybe I'll be able to capture this same photo for you one day. Who knows...maybe we'll have our babies at the same time. One could dream, right?

Welcome Home

Last weekend Olivia told us she no longer wanted "toy pets" and that she wanted the real thing..."a real doggy". She's brought it up in the past, but we've always been able to have the "one day we'll have a dog" talk. This time she wasn't having it. Very persistent, almost demanding- she made her case as to why she needed to have a "real doggy".  Don has also been wanting a dog. Not that I don't, but life has been crazy and I swore up and down that we wouldn't get a dog until we got a fence.

I put Olivia to bed that night telling her that we would think about it while hoping she would forget about it. My hope was short lived. The next morning she woke up begging for me to take her to the store for her "white fluffy doggy". Over a bowl of cereal I tried explaining to her how much doggies cost and how much work they are. I told her that maybe she could ask for a doggie for her next birthday (again hoping that would buy me another 6 months). That's when Olivia took her case to a whole new level....

Olivia- "I want a real live doggy. I don't have anything live."

Me- "Do you want a fish?"

Olivia- "No. I want a dog."

Me- "Uncle Pete said you can play with Vincent anytime you want. Maybe we can have a sleepover with Vincent (my brother's dog)"

Olivia- "No. That's Gracie's doggy. You can't take other kids dogs. I want my own. Gracie has a dog and a brother. I don't have anything."

Oooooooooo....deep breath, deep breath, deep breath...

I knew where this conversation was going and it's a conversation I'm not strong enough to have at the moment. She's mentioned in the past that her dolls are her sisters and I've managed to quickly change the subject. Don would be much better at having this conversation with. As soon as she finished her sentence I welled up...and just like that, I was online looking for dogs.

I can't give my kid a sibling- at least not at the moment. I know she's happy and I know we are great parents, but I wonder if she feels she's missing a companion. I wonder if there is a part of her that wishes she had something of her own.

I told my brother and sister about the conversation and they were both insistent that I get this kid a dog. Before I knew it the both of them were searching for "white" dogs.

All week I went back and forth. Do I, don't I, do I, don't I. Don was 100% on board, but I still needed to be convinced. I talked to my Mom who told me she thought I should focus on my health, but she said, "I know you'll get the dog because you're always trying to create this perfect dream world for Olivia. She wants a dog- I know you'll get her one." I hung up the phone and sat there thinking...and thinking...and thinking...




Please meet, Lulu Cummings.





All week I stressed about whether or not to get this dog, but after seeing how happy this little pup has made my Olivia- I know we made the right decision. For the time being this little dog is filling whatever void my child feels she has and for that, it is worth every penny and ounce of hard work.

  



Lulu is an American Eskimo. When I was researching the breed one website said, "Eskimo's just want to be a part of the family." Well Lulu, you're in the right home because we've been looking to add to our family. Welcome home, Lulu.

Here's to a new year, new beginning...

Happy New Year!

A lot can happen in 12 months. A year goes by much faster in your adult years then when you were a kid. All I wanted when I was a kid was for time to speed up so I could make it to the next milestone. Now I all I want is for time to slow down. It's funny how things change once you become an adult.

This past year is a year I would like to forget, yet it's going to follow me into the new year which is unfortunate. I sat here today thinking how upsetting this past year has been. Not just in my own life, but in the lives of my loved ones as well.

I swore this past year was going to be my year. Instead it's been nothing but a royal pain in my ass. It's been 6 months of dealing with health issues that have yet to be diagnosed. I've put all fertility treatments on hold until the doctors figure out what's going on. The good news is that I switched all of my doctors and I feel confident I'm with the right group. Testing is underway and I'm anxious more than ever to get some answers so I can move on with my life. My new goal for the next IVF round is March, my birthday. I don't feel good about getting a diagnosis by then, but I have to think positive. In the meantime I sit here watching Olivia get older and older and it's killing me inside that she has yet to have a sibling. I never wanted such a large age gap between children, but then again when do I ever get a say?? Patience is something I've been working on, but I'm running on fumes as of lately.

The holidays were a struggle this year, but I made the best of it and enjoyed as much as I could. This was the first year that Olivia actually grasped who Santa Claus is. Watching your child's eyes light up with amazement from the magic you've created is worth every ounce of effort (and penny). Her innocence is something I am trying to preserve for as long as I possibly can. I told her the other night that I want fly to Neverland with her so she never gets big. She put her hands on her hips and refused my one way ticket saying, "Mom! I have to get big!!" Ok, ok...technically she's right. The inevitable is going to happen, but I'm loving the moments of playing make belief with her. Before I know it she'll be walking herself up to bed and won't need me to kiss her goodnight. I refuse to believe that that's just around the corner! Everyone always tells me to take in every moment. That it goes fast. At first I would laugh it off, but it's 100% true. This thing called "life" goes way too fast and before I know it my baby will be all grown up.

I was talking to my friend last week about having more kids. She was saying that she always wanted a 3rd, but now that her other two kids are getting older, she can't imagine starting all over. I know what she means. Olivia's getting older which means I'm getting older. You adjust to children growing up and you appreciate sleeping through the night, no more diapers, the ease of leaving the house without having to time feedings and naps. In my opinion, it gets easier as they get older. It makes me a little nervous thinking this way. I've always wanted a second, but after talking to more and more people who have declare the end of their baby days- it's hard not to wonder if I should make the same declaration. Do I want a big gap between my kids? How much older am I willing to get before I call it quits? Do I want to start all over even though Olivia is a piece of cake?? It's a hard call. I've flip flopped a million times. My heart wants more kids while my head is saying- whoa nelly!

My sister-in-law came for a visit yesterday with my nephew, Ian. He's so snuggly and such a happy baby. He's at the age where a simple game of peek-a-boo is the funniest thing in the world. Before he came over I wasn't feeling great. When I get these episodes my body starts burning and my face gets all flushed. My joints feel stiff and dizziness kicks in. It's a joy let me tell you. I was a little nervous about having company, but once I held that baby I forgot about how crappy I had been feeling that day. I watch how happy Meghan is with her new little man and it quickly brought me back to when my Olivia was that age. I watched Ian sleeping on his Momma and at that moment I was reassured that my baby days aren't over. I long to have that moment once again.

Even though I said 2015 was going to be my year- I pray to God that 2016 will make my dream come true.

Happy 2016 to all. Here's to a new year and new beginning.

Sometimes time gets away from you...

Life has been busy...that's my only excuse from taking a break from blogging. Between Olivia starting preschool, to work schedules, family functions and life in general...things have been crazy...but I'm back! Miss me??

Good things have been going on along with some not so good things, but we've been rolling with the punches and always thankful for a new day. 

September 26 we welcomed our handsome nephew, Ian to our family. He is happy and healthy and I can't wait to watch him grow! He was a missing puzzle piece to our family and we are beyond thankful for this little guy...

Handsome boy!

The Walk of Hope was fantastic. We raised a bunch of money and walked with some of our loved ones to show support to those who suffer with Infertility. Thank you to all those who participated and donated! Your support never goes unnoticed. 

Our miracle. Isn't she just perfect?

 Showing love to our angels...always with us.

In October we took a much needed family vacation to our most favorite place on earth, Disney World! I've always been a huge fan of Disney, but even more so now that I'm a mom. Experiencing "Disney Magic" through your child's eyes is priceless- worth every penny! Plus it was great to get away and escape reality for a bit. 

Halloween was so much fun. This was the first year Olivia picked her own costume (not gonna lie, it hurt a bit that I couldn't pick it for her). She wasn't a fan of her school Halloween parade, but she loved dressing up and trick-or-treating with her cousins. Weather bit us in the butt yet again, but kids from the Midwest are tough and total troopers. I was proud of our little people...

A couple weeks ago I took Olivia to the park and brought my camera with (I know, shocking, right?). It was just the two of us...laughing, playing, getting dirty. I snapped pictures of her goofing off and well, just being a kid. When I got home later I looked at the pictures and couldn't help but notice how big she's gotten over the past few months. People always say you forget how little they are, but I don't agree. I haven't forgotten. Maybe that's because I scroll through the 3000+ pictures I have on my phone on a daily basis, or maybe it's because I'm holding on so tight to her baby years because I'm no where near being ready for her to grow up and get big. Regardless, it's happening. She's getting big and the baby in her is slowly fading and all I can do is sit back and capture every single moment of this kids life. Gulp. As mature as I try to be, I feel like throwing a crying fit every time I pack away the clothes she's grown out of. My God, time goes by way too fast. 

Fast forward to today- and here we are. And I know what you're wondering...I mean, that is the point of my blog anyway, right? 

I mentioned in past blogs that I've been having some health issues. It's been since June and I have yet to be diagnosed with anything. I just recently changed all of my doctors and hope to have better luck. My next appointment is with a Rheumatologist in a couple of weeks. I'm not hopeful that he'll be able to help, but I'm rolling with the punches and doing as I'm told. 

With that said, the next IVF round has yet to be scheduled, but my HOPE and plan is to do another round in February- which means I'll have to make the call right after Christmas. I've gone back and forth in my head as to whether or not I should move forward, but I still have no answers and it's been 5 months! I'm not getting any younger, I want another baby and I promised this kid a sibling! So as of today, the plan is February. Deep breath...

Say a little prayer that we get some answers and I start feeling better. 2015 was suppose to be my year (at least that's what I told myself on New Years Eve). I just want to feel better and move on with my life. Is that too much to ask?

Before I sign off for tonight I wanted to share one more picture....

My family. Not complete, but perfect nonetheless. I mean, look at that kid. She takes my breath away. 

Oops! One more...

Perfection. 

There. I'm done now. Goodnight friends. 

Walk of Hope

Hello! Hello!

Feel free to join us at the Walk of Hope this Sunday! Below is our team link.

http://familybuilding.resolve.org/site/TR/WalkofHope2016/WalkofHope?px=2079023&pg=personal&fr_id=1310

Hope to see you there!