I received an email last week from an old friend of mine. Her and her husband's first IVF attempt was a fail leaving them both heartbroken. I could relate to all of the emotions she poured into the email and I was utterly sick to my stomach knowing how sad they are.
She told me in the email that she doesn't know how in the hell I've been able to get through 5 failed attempts, and that she's considering not going through it again. I emailed her back, but it was short and sweet. I was at work and to be honest, I didn't know what all to say at that moment in time. I've finally had a chance to sit down and seeing that more than one person has reached out to me since writing this blog, I thought my words may help the couple that are secretly fighting our same battle. Sometimes it's nice to know that somewhere out there, there are people just like you.
Dear You...
I've been there. I am there. It sucks and there's not a person on this earth that can make it all better. I wish I could give you my secret, but to be honest, there is no secret. I get through because I have to. Because I know that if I want a baby I have to keep going.
There are times my husband and I look at one another and wonder why we've been dealt a hand full of shit, blood and tears...but sometimes that's just the way this crazy thing called life works.
The process is brutal, but the reward itself is bigger than any dream you could possibly dream. It's perfection. Having a child is what true love is all about. You have to see it, you have to picture yourself holding that baby. You have to know that through all of the pain, you will prevail.
Someone once told me that they believe IVF mother's are the best kind of mother's out there. I'm not sure if "best" is the word, but I think IVF mother's are the strongest kind of mother's. You're fighting for a child that you don't even have (yet). You're risking you're financial freedom, sanity and emotional well-being for a dream that is completely out of your control- yet not out of reach. You're vulnerable, fragile, but in order to get through...you have to find strength in places you didn't know exists. You have to be made of steel and come to the realization that this one failed attempt may not be your last. It may suck for a while, but in the words of my own doctor...keep your eye on the prize! The struggle is worth the pain.
You're stronger than you think. Don't let this bitch called "Infertility" win. You're heartbroken, depressed and sad...and rightfully so. But quitting won't get you your baby. You will try again because that's the only way. Don't think for a second that I'm stronger than you...I'm not. I've thrown my arms in the air more than once. I've quit in my head. I've thrown a fit or two and I've cried more than I've ever cried in my life. Before each attempt I tell myself that this is the last try, no matter the result. Look at me, I'm preparing myself for #6. THIS BLOWS...but I don't have a choice, right? I want what I want and blocked tubes, needles, weight gain and mood swings will not stand in my way..and it won't stand in yours either.
Chin up. It's going to be an army crawl to the finish line, but you'll get there. You've got this my friend, you've got this.
I'm here for you. I want it too.
