My little sister is pregnant.
I know, you're probably thinking- EEK!
You're probably thinking I lost my mind.
I didn't. Not exactly. I cried and felt sorry for myself for about an hour- but I moved on- and yes, I am genuinely happy for her.
A couple weeks ago I threw her a gender reveal party. I think people thought I would have struggled doing so, but I didn't. And here's why...
I have come to terms with the fact that we may not have another child. Well, I have come to terms with the THOUGHT that we may not have another child. That THOUGHT has become very real in my mind. I've had conversations, to myself- quite often lately. Time is ticking. It's a constant tick that I hear every second of every.single.day. The struggle is starting to lessen.
I have accepted that our future is out of my hands. It has taken me several years to come to accept this. I have accepted the fact that no matter how hard we try, pray, wish and dream- another child may not be meant to be.
Our July IVF has been pushed back.
The medical issues I have been dealing with this past year is still ongoing and my Neurologist has asked that I be patient and hold off on July. I finally have a team of doctors who might be on to something so instead of playing doctor for myself- we will hold off another month. This obviously came with a lot of disappointment, but it's important that I don't put myself or a baby at risk.
A couple days after getting the call from my Neuro- I threw my sister her reveal party. I think if it were anyone else I would be a crabby, jealous mess. But my sister has been there with me through all of the pain I've endured the past 6 years. It is only right that I celebrate the joy she shared with me when I was pregnant with Olivia.
Things haven't exactly been going my way. I could be bitter- and sometimes I am. But it feels good to jump on the happy bandwagon and go with the flow. Sometimes you have to put on your big girl pants, take a deep breath- and go about your day. I was honored to be able to do this for my sister and her husband and I hope they know how happy my family is for them.
Oh, and by the way. My nephew will be here by November 1.
Congratulations Taylor & Matt!
