And now we wait...

I was overwhelmed waking up this morning to so many kind messages. Everyone's hopes and prayers have been heard, we are truly blessed. 

Before leaving for our appointment, I put a little curl in my hair and applied a bit of lip gloss. I thought it was appropriate to look my best before getting knocked up. 

Walking in this morning I know we weren't alone. We have an army of support and for that, I am forever grateful. 

Dr. Binor will only transfer two embryos. I have 4 left. 1 embryo is from Olivia's batch back in 2011. The other 3 are from 2014. The way the embryos have been stored/frozen, changed between 2011 and 2014 so Dr. Binor focused his efforts on the 2014 embryos. Unfortunately, one embryo did not survive the thawing process, but the other two did. Dr. Binor says they look beautiful and he was happy with the direction we are headed in. 

"Let's get you pregnant. It's going to be a Merry Christmas."

"Yes, let's."

I appreciated his confidence. For the first time in several years, I'm just as confident.

Dr. Binor wheeled me into the OR and I was greeted by several happy, hopeful faces- Sherri, being one of them. Sherri performs all of my in office ultrasounds and she assists in the embryo transfers. She's been with me since day 1. 

I was a little quiet while being wheeled in. Overwhelmed, excited, nervous...but at peace. Whatever is suppose to happen will happen, but I have a good feeling and I felt like I was exactly where I was suppose to be. 

I felt a little pat on my head and heard a whisper from behind, "This is your time. Are you ready?" It was Sherri. 

"Ready." 

Roll call! The embriologist calls for a roll call before each transfer. 

"Courtney Cummings. DOB. Embryo Transfer. We have two embryos today. Sherri, are you ready?"

"Ready."

"Courtney, are you ready?"

"Yep."

"Dr. Binor, are you ready?"

"Let's get her cooking! Christmas baby here we come!"

The procedure itself is pretty quick. Sherri guides Dr. Binor via ultrasound and they discuss exactly where they are going to transfer the embryos. They point to the screen-

"Keep your eyes right here, Courtney..."

I can't help but tear up. 

"Here you go Courtney, here they coooommmmmeeee!"

A light appears on the screen. There they are. Our hopes, our dreams, our prayers, our heart. 

I look down at Dr. Binor and he looks at me. We lock eyes and smile. He gives me a wink and I stare at him with tears rolling down my face. As much as this is my and Don's moment, it's his too.

The embryologist confirms that the tube is empty and just like that, the two week wait begins. 

Bed rest for a couple days, increasing meds starting tomorrow and bloodwork the day after Christmas. 

Two weeks is a long time, especially for a person who doesn't pride herself on patience. 

The hardest part about infertility is that it's all out of our hands. We have zero control over the outcome.  So please, say a little prayer for us. 

Come on little embryos...make some magic. We've been waiting for you. 

It's go time...

After more than a two year break our time is finally here.

It's go time!

Level's are up, lining is beautiful and our little frozen embryo's are just about to come to life!

Dr. Binor is back to work, healthy and has agreed to take on a limited number of cases, ours of course being one of them.

The medication is getting to me more than it has in the past. The tears come and go, but I've tried keeping myself busy while getting ready for Christmas. I've always loved the holidays, but ever since becoming a Mom, it's just more special. Being surrounded by family and playing Santa's helper is just what the doctor ordered to get us through this round, the final round.

I say it's the final round, because this is the round that will work- it has to. I say the final round because I don't see us going through another multiple rounds. I say the final round because we've worked so hard to get to where we are today that this is our round, I know it.

We have been through multiple frozen embryo transfers and unfortunately we haven't had the outcome we had hoped and prayed for. Ectopic and miscarriage are the only close to pregnancies we've faced after doing a FET. Everyone who knows me and reads my blog knows that I am partial to fresh cycles. My Olivia was a fresh cycle so I guess I'm a little biased.

I try not to play doctor and I trust Dr. Binor more than most people in my life. He says it could work. He says it should work. So we will try. I don't have many frozen embryo's left and I only have one fresh cycle left in a lifetime (per insurance)....so I'm literally putting all of my eggs in this basket ;) and I am asking everyone who has joined us on this journey to pray for our little embryos. We need them to survive the thawing process and we need them to be healthy, viable embryos in order for the transfer to happen.

I am trying to stay focused and not feel the pressure, but it often feels that I am walking around with a load of bricks on my shoulders.

For people who are going through infertility, this is the first and last thing they think about every single day. We've paid our dues and we're great parents...I just can't imagine this not going our way.

We thank everyone who has joined us on this journey. Come Wednesday, when we go in for our transfer, I know we aren't alone. The constant calls, texts and emails remind us of how lucky we are. No matter what happens this round, we thank you all for the constant love and support. It means more than you'll ever know.

xoxo