Making an adoption wish come true

I remember the day I was told that IVF was my only option. My tubes were blocked, I didn’t ovulate on my own and my body didn’t produce the necessary hormones to carry a pregnancy.

I was devastated.

I had heard of IVF, but I was naive as to what all it entailed. I remember sitting in the car crying because I wasn’t sure how much it was going to cost and how we would pay for it. My husband is a police officer and I’m in advertising. Decent jobs sure, but we’re not rolling in the money by any means.

I picked up the phone and called my Dad.

Everything I own- car, college education, credit cards, phone bills, wedding- it’s mine, all mine. We grew up with two parents who had plenty of money, but they were all about instilling values in their children. We never asked for money (unless it was for popcorn and a movie). Nothing was ever owed to us. We worked for everything we wanted. All four of us had jobs at 15. It’s just the way we were raised.

I was at my lowest of lows and I felt this was an exception.

“Dad. We have to do IVF. I heard it could run about $30,000. I don’t know how much insurance will cover, but should it not make a dent- you need pay for this.”

My Dad was a little thrown off. I pretty much demanded that he pony up $30,000. I wasn’t disrespectful, but desperate.

“I want a baby and money isn’t going to stop me. If I need the money you have to give it to me.”

My Dad told me not to panic and that we would work something out should it get to that. In the back of my mind I was thinking, “Yeah, we’ll work something out. You’re going to pay for it.”

Thankfully…and trust me when I say this…I thank God for the amount that our insurance covered.  Sure we’ve had our fair share of out of pocket expenses, but nothing in the amount of $30,000. We are very fortunate.

A couple years ago I sat in the waiting room waiting for Dr. Binor. I was flipping through a magazine while listening to another patient’s conversation with the office manager. They were going over the cost of her IVF procedure. I remember hearing her cry asking the office manager how she was going to pay for this. The manager was sympathetic while telling her she was sorry.

I sat there feeling so angry. How do you put a price tag on a baby? I mean, I know it’s the medical field. I know there are risks involved, but seriously, most insurance plans don’t offer sufficient coverage for infertility. Why make it so out of reach for hard working people who just want to become parents? It’s hard enough that they need fertility assistance in the first place.

I sat in the office feeling sorry for this girl. I told myself that one day, when I have the money, I will start a grant and it will go towards an IVF patient that would make a fantastic Mom/Dad.

Unfortunately I’m not there yet. I’m still trying to figure out my own fertility mess, but what I can do is help raise awareness and money for people who are just like me.

Today, I’m asking for your help.

My sister-in-law has been in my life for 20 years now. Her family is our family. It’s been no secret that her sister has been struggling to become a Mom. It’s been a 7 year battle. Can you imagine?

Michelle had tried multiple IVF attempts. She achieved a pregnancy and was beyond overjoyed. Soon into her pregnancy she found out the baby was extremely unhealthy which lead to an unviable pregnancy. This left Michelle completely heartbroken.

Making matters worse, Michelle found out the pregnancy damaged her uterus and that she would never be able to carry a child. Her only option was adoption.

Michelle signed on with an adoption agency soon after. After completing her profile and paying her dues, the agency went bankrupt and Michelle lost her investment.

Michelle is a single, hardworking, independent woman. Losing that investment was devastating.

Most people would have given up, but she kept on with hopes of one day becoming a Mom. Michelle decided to sign on with a new agency and after a number of months she received the call that she had been long waiting for. She was chosen to be a Mother to a baby that is due next month!

This baby is a true gift from God. She is counting down the days until she is finally holding her child, rocking her to sleep in the nursery that’s been waiting for her.

Unfortunately adoptions are very expensive. Michelle has already taken out a maximum high interest personal loan as well at posted her car as collateral.

She needs your help. We have $13,000 we need to raise in order to finalize this adoption. Whatever amount you are able to afford is greatly appreciated. Every single dollar counts.

When I found out Michelle needed assistance raising the money, I jumped at the opportunity. I look at my Olivia and I can’t imagine putting a price tag on her. I also can’t imagine coming up short and losing the opportunity of parenting a child.

If you’re a parent I want you to stop for a moment and thank God for the miracle you have received. I want you to be grateful for the struggle you never had to face in bringing your child into the world.

. 

Unfortunately not everyone is as fortunate.

Please help us bring this baby home.

https://www.gofundme.com/myadoptionjourney

Just like that she's a big girl

10,000.

I stopped counting at 10,000, but there's thousands more.

We've been spring cleaning, organizing and transitioning. It's been therapeutic, difficult, lovely and a struggle all at the same time.

I've been printing and organizing pictures of Olivia. She's 3 years old and between my camera and my cell phone I have easily taken over 10,000 pictures of this sweet child. You may think I overdo it- maybe- but as I should I overdo it is what I say!

I've set up photo shoots and have taken pictures of every single "first" this child has had. Every moment and celebration has been captured and I have zero regrets in saying that I have a slight obsession over my child. We've stuck her in pumpkins, jersey's, fields of flowers, chicken costumes full of feathers. I have her first bath, first cereal, first time in her crib, first picture with almost every member of our family, first step, first smile, first shoe, first time on the swings...I have the "first" of everything and every moment that came after that. Between my cell phone and my camera I have a picture of every single day of her life...so far.

The more pictures I print, the more emotional I get. I struggle with the fact that she is getting older. People always tell me that I have to come to terms with the fact that I can't keep her little. The inevitable will happen, I realize this. But this sweet girl will always be my baby and I will continue to grasp at every single memory we create for this child. Her 4th birthday is a few months away (gulp). I'm holding on to her toddler years for dear life, but before I know it the baby chubby cheeks and fingers will thin out and she will bloom into a little girl right before my eyes.

This past weekend was a heartbreaker. I'm almost embarrassed to say it, but we just now transitioned Olivia from her toddler bed into her "big girl" bed. I was in no rush to do so until I put her down for her nap the other day and had to do a double take. "Oh shit!" I thought..."she's outgrown her bed!"

When we registered for her bedroom furniture we registered for the bed rails in order to transition her crib into a full size bed. I had been stalling on making the move because to be honest, I was waiting for baby #2. I would put baby #2 into the crib and buy Olivia a new set that I had my eyes on at Pottery Barn. When family would tell me to transition the bed I would say, "Oh no, I can't. I want another baby and that will be that baby's crib...so I need a new set for Olivia." Often times I would get a pitiful look like, "Oh this pathetic poor soul is losing her mind." But I'm not losing my mind. This has been my plan. Haven't you ever made a plan for yourself and your family? It's what I do, make plans. In fact, I've had plans for my family of 4 for a long time now. I know what room Baby #2 will take over, I've planned out his/her name- I have had all of my ducks in a row for this child that doesn't exist...and may never exist.

It had really hit me a couple weeks ago that my dream of being a family of four may never come true. I was crying in the kitchen and told Don that I don't see it happening anymore. The hope is fading away and the clear picture that I once had is drifting further and further away. It's a very difficult realization to come to. Especially when you're not the one making the decision. I have my body and fate to blame for this one...and should this be the case, I will never be able to find forgiveness. Don't get me wrong- we're not throwing in the towel. Don even said that we will fight like hell, but should it not happen this year...we will need to make some decisions.

Instead of the beautiful Pottery Barn bed I wanted, we decided to convert the crib into a big girl bed. The crib just isn't needed at this time.

I took Olivia to shop for a mattress and comforter. She was beyond excited for this moment. While we browsed the bedding aisle she pointed to a comforter and said, "Wow, Mom! This looks so comfortable for me." I instantly welled up. I remember picking out her nursery bedding. I looked at every option out there. I found retailers in Europe and browsed their selections as well. I wanted the best and because I was on bed rest I had all the time in the world to look at every single option out there. Now here I am with my soon to be 4 year old and she's assisting in picking out her "big girl bedding". I don't quite know where the time went.

We went to a couple mattress stores- she bounced around and told me what she liked. Nothing I saw was good enough for her though. Everything was either too hard, too soft or too cheap. So we left empty handed and I dropped her off for a nap so I could head back out and wrap up my search.

I called my aunt on the way to the store. Where do I go? What do I look for? How much do I spend? She mentioned that every mattress store was the same and she gave me firm instructions to make one stop and pick out a mattress that was reasonable- "Don't break the bank. This isn't her forever mattress."

Even though I told her I would make one stop- I made two more. I needed a good comparison. I sat on every mattress. Even the mattresses that cost a few thousand dollars. The mattresses I was serious about I laid on. Tossed and turned. What was a I looking for you ask? Perfection.

The sales manager showed me the mattress that "all parents get for their children". I thought it looked sad. It was a step away from a futon mattress and I wasn't having it for my Olivia. Nope- not good enough. We walked around the store and he taught me all about mattresses. He even showed me the supply in the back room just so I knew that I wasn't missing out on seeing something great. I narrowed the selection down to three finalists which were all well over my budget. I sat there waiting while he crunched some numbers. So far two hours had gone by and while I waited for his next best offer I texted my aunt-

"I feel like I'm buying a car right now."

"Wait, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"For fuck sake pick out a damn mattress!"

Ok, ok...she was right. I took this search over board. I had done several rounds of negotiations (which I love doing). I had even threatened to walk out which in the back of my mind wouldn't have been the worse thing. It just would have meant another few more nights in her crib. I wouldn't have minded.
I was looking for perfection, comfort and something that screamed "Big Girl"...and I found it. I found my girl her big girl mattress just like I found her infant mattress. This my friends, is another milestone. You may not think it's a big deal, but every new milestone in our household is a BIG DEAL.

I came home and told Olivia her mattress would be coming the next day. When we tucked her in later that night Don said, "This is the last time we tuck you into your baby bed!" Before kissing her goodnight I made a bee line for the door with tears in my eyes. This was the last time she would be in her baby bed. Perhaps the last time we would ever be using a baby bed- period. Shit. I'M NOT READY FOR THIS TRANSITION!

Ready or not- it happened. We followed through with our promise and before we knew it we were tucking our baby into her new bed. Gulp. Just like that she became a big girl.

And you bet your ass I got the "first night in her big girl bed" picture. Add it to the collection of 10,000+.

  

I just love her.