The wait continues...

Every couple who goes through fertility treatments is well aware of the "two week wait."It's just that two weeks. 14 days. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Wrong. It's brutal. It is TWO. LONG. ASS. WEEKS. Each day seems like a week. Each week seems like a month. It's short enough for family and friends who are cheering the couple on, but it's long enough for the patient to create scenarios in her mind after the most minute little ache, cramp or gas bubble. 

Me personally, this past week I have diagnosed myself at least twice a day. I have called it quits, I have congratulated myself and I have felt sorry for myself...sometimes all three in a single day. I have researched names and nursery themes and wondered what it would be like to be a Mother of two. I have cried and thrown fits because the cramp I just got on my left side must be a sign that this is nothing more than another failed attempt. 

It's brutal. The two week wait brings nothing but "what ifs", desperate prayers and an upset stomach. Every time I find myself back in this wait I wonder why I keep doing this to myself. 

Here's why...

Because I can almost feel it. I want that feeling of instant love like I had the second I held Olivia. I can picture myself laying on the couch at two in the morning with a sleeping baby on my chest. I want Olivia to be a big sister. I want her to have a sibling just as much as I want another child for my own selfish reasons. I want to watch this child sleep. I want to spoil this baby and not share him/her with anyone else. I want to feel complete. I want my family to be complete. 

I can feel it. I can see it. We are so close...

Today marked one week. One more week and we'll find out whether or not this dream is becoming a reality. Friends and family keep checking in and ask how I'm feeling. The one question is always, "What's your gut telling you? Do you feel anything?"

My gut is telling me that it's 15 pounds overweight and I feel an extra roll (ok two) that hangs over my pants. Other than that..

I'm uncomfortable, My belly is sore. I thought it was a sign of good things to come, but it's too early to tell. During my ultrasound today they confirmed that my body released one, maybe two eggs. I was disappointed, but they were thrilled. She said that's exactly how many they want and that anymore could have put us in a situation just like Olivia's pregnancy. And though I appreciate the road of caution, I wanted all four follicles to produce eggs. We did IVF for a year and a half straight, we went through 9 embryos...and all 9 embryos ended in either a failed attempt or a failed pregnancy. More than an egg or two is what I had hoped for. 

I have one follicle that is still sitting pretty...pretty large and causing quite a bit of pain in my abdomen. Today's ultrasound was so painful I almost had a panic attack and went into hysterics the second I got home. 

I'm tired. This week was a long week and next week will be even longer. I have butterflies in my stomach and I'm going to lose my mind should I have to wait any longer. 

I appreciate everyone's love and support. It's so nice hearing from friends from past time and new friends who have been following our journey. The words of encouragement has put a smile on my face and has helped make this process a smidge easier. 

Please wish us luck and say a little prayer. 

To be continued....