I am much, much more

I am more than 1 in 8.
I am much more than 1 in 8.

I am a fighter. A survivor. A mother.

I have been through hell and back- yet I stand tall. My journey to becoming a mother has been heartbreaking and tragic. I have been failed by my body time and time again.

I stay determined.

I have been pitied.
I have been judged.
I have been talked about.
I have received opinions I never asked for.

It's made me stronger.

Day in and day out I wonder if I will ever have another child. I sit in the back at church and ask Him if he's listening. I ask what I've done wrong. I've looked for signs, begged for signs.

I tell Him I'm not giving up.

I have lost count in the amount of IVF attempts. I have lost count in the number of embryos we have frozen. I have lost count in the amount of injections, pills, blood draws.

I am eager to keep going.

To date, I have lost 5 innocent souls. 2 miscarriages and 3 selective terminations. Each loss has brought me to my knees. Each loss has rocked my faith. Each loss has brought heartache, anger and confusion.

Each loss has taken a piece of my heart.

IVF works. I know it does. Just when I think I've given up, I look at my Olivia's face every day and she reminds me. As hard as it gets, I want her to see how strong her Mom is.

I want to be her hero just like she's mine.

Infertility the second time around is harder than the first (in my opinion). The pressure to give my daughter a sibling and to complete my family often feels like an uphill battle. It breaks my heart.

Infertility is brutal. The struggle is real and unless you’ve gone through it you will never fully understand it. Infertility has changed my life. Infertility has changed my family's life.

But infertility doesn’t define me. Being a Mom defines me. Being a strong woman defines me.

1 in 8 couples have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. It's a fact.

I am much, much more than 1 in 8.