Twas' the night before an embryo transfer...

And, here we are. I'm a little late at updating the current status of our trying for baby #2. Life has been hectic.

Good news is all of my testing came back in our favor. I can still carry a child.
Bad news is that we still don't know why the struggle.

With that, the big update is that tomorrow is our embryo transfer!

Turns out that Dr. B was probably right in recommending January as the transfer month. I'm obviously in too deep now, but last week as I was running all over town trying to finish our Christmas shopping I had a minor panic attack. Originally the transfer was suppose to be December 19 with 3 days of bed rest. That would have worked out perfect (meaning the holidays wouldn't have been disrupted). Unfortunately, I was bumped. Egg retrievals get priority over embryo transfers and apparently there are quite a few cases this month. With that, I was bumped to December 23rd. This didn't go over well. I sat in Dr. B's office crying because not only would I be in bed for Christmas Eve, but I would also be in bed for Christmas Day. This killed me. I want this embryo transfer more than anything, but I still have a two year old at the end of the day and if someone is going to be celebrating Christmas with her it's going to be her Mama!

Thankfully, after several attempts, Dr. B was able to move me up to the 22nd. Not perfect, but good enough. I'll be out of bed in time for Christmas morning!

I just put Olivia to bed, this will be my last time for 3 nights. It may not seem like much to most people, but this is our 5th round of IVF. That means I wasn't able to tuck my child into bed for a total of 15 days. That's 15 days too many for this Mama.

Everyone has been asking if I'm excited or nervous about tomorrow. It feels awkward that so many people know about the transfer. We usually go into these with only a couple of people knowing. We don't like the questions and we don't like when people pry for information. This time is obviously different- it's not bad, just feels different.

I'm not nervous or excited. I've learned to be hopeful, but not to get my hopes up. I feel...desperate. I can't imagine doing another round if this doesn't work. In my head, this has to work.

The medication takes a toll on your body and your emotions. Today was emotional. I'm getting a little impatient and snippy and I don't like it. I wrapped all of the presents and cried that this is my last day getting ready for Christmas. If I need anything these next few days, I'll have to depend on someone else and I don't like that either.

I am desperate for this to work. Not only for my sanity, but for the sleeping two year old who would make a great big sister. I'm desperate for this to work because if it doesn't, I'm afraid I'll break a little more. When people ask how I feel about tomorrow- I can't really put it into words. I just want this to go right. I just want this IVF crap to be over with.

I've definitely gained more weight this round. My belly is tender. My ass hurts. I cringe at the sight of a needle. I'm just over it.

These are SOME of the injections I've taken so far with this round...

These are the injections that I still need to take following the transfer...

This. Has. To. Work.

I'll go to bed tonight, say a little prayer and hope for the best. After tomorrow, it's out of our hands. It either takes, or it doesn't.

So please, say a prayer and think happy thoughts...